


upon a knife's edge

by apeunde



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apeunde/pseuds/apeunde
Summary: as jaehwan watched hongbin being led to their from now on shared bedroom, he knew that life wouldn’t be as enjoyable as it had been until now.  *some mentions of gore/blood





	

It was on Jaehwan’s seventh birthday that his master came back from the city with another boy dangling from his hand. The boy was looking up in reined curiosity as they made their way through their little condo to where Jaehwan was currently cleaning his practice blade. Jaehwan halted in his movements, eyes set upon the other boy who was now eyeing him with a rather indifferent expression.

Jaehwan immediately felt distaste spreading through him at the sight of the boy. It wasn’t only that his hair was too fluffy and soft looking for his taste, or his nose too straight. His glittering eyes instantly set Jaehwan off. Apart from that glint that sprung to life due to the light surrounding them, they seemed to be lacking anything remotely close to emotion.

“Jaehwan-ah, look who I brought to live with us.” Jaehwan simply returned to polishing his blade, making a point to avoid looking at the other boy again. “His name is Hongbin, and he is one year younger than you. I hope you’ll treat him well as your junior.”

Jaehwan could see the boy smile at him from the corner of his eyes, a smile wide and dimpled and pretty, but also void of sincerity or – anything really. Jaehwan simply nodded, because he knew it was expected of him. He was in no place to disagree with his master, not that he ever could bring himself to anyway. He might have been merely seven, but Jaehwan had known from the moment he was taken in that he had a lot to be thankful for.

But as Hongbin was led past him to their from now on shared bedroom, his brown eyes looking back at him shortly, not betraying a single thought behind the orb of Hongbin’s irises, Jaehwan knew that life wouldn’t be as enjoyable as it had been up until now.

 

-

 

“Look, Hongbin-ah,” the apologetic sigh that escaped Jaehwan’s lips as he tried to catch up with the other sounded fake, even to him. “I really didn’t cut you on purpose. It was practice and I slipped, and-“

A hand was pressed against his lips in a rather rough manner to stop him from talking any further, Hongbin’s dark chocolate eyes smoldering into his. If there was one emotion Jaehwan had learned to literally beat out of the boy, it was challenging anger.

“Shut up, Lee Jaehwan, I know you did it on purpose.” The words were spoken evenly, without much intonation, but six years had taught Jaehwan to read Hongbin to a point much easier than he ever actually had wanted to. He pouted slightly against Hongbin’s hand, eyebrows furrowing before he darted out his tongue to run it over Hongbin’s fingers. The other immediately withdrew his hold, a clear expression of disgust covering his features.

Yet another break through to his emotions, Jaehwan noted with gratification.

“Don’t touch me, smartass.” He snarled, brandishing his long-blade over his shoulder in a somewhat arrogant posture, looking at the younger teenager who was now trying to swipe his hand clean on his pants. “You never know, the next cut might just be closer to your jugular. Accidentally, of course.”

Hongbin gave him a look that would usually make Jaehwan’s blood boil a little bit more, weren’t it for the satisfaction of seeing him clutch the bloodied spot on his biceps where Jaehwan’s blade had made connection with his arm. Jaehwan simply smirked.

Hongbin gave a threatening hiss as a response before he turned around, not without making sure to send a few more venomous glares over his back at his now overly smug senior.

 

-

 

His master’s hand connected with his jaw with a force Jaehwan had only been able to imagine until now, sending him stumbling back both in shock and recoil of the hit. It hurt, it hurt like a bitch if he were to be honest, and he could taste droplets of blood in his mouth from where his teeth had cut his lip. Jaehwan’s hand came flying up to cover his cheek in instinct, eyes flickering up to meet his master’s furious gaze before casting them down onto the ground.

“This,” his master’s voice was trembling with rage and disappointment, and a feeling of shame spread through Jaehwan’s body, “this is not why I recruited the two of you.” Jaehwan could feel the intense gaze of his master leave him to probably set on Hongbin, though Jaehwan knew that in the end he was the one going to get more backlash from their actions.

“You are comrades. How many times have I told you not to fight each other?”

Jaehwan dared to look up only to set his eyes on Hongbin, who was looking sideways, jaw set tight in defiance. Jaehwan’s feelings of guilt and shame vanished immediately, being replaced by resentment. The damned brat was the reason their disagreements had started to get physical in the first place, and now he acted like he did nothing wrong. Fucking bastard, Jaehwan thought.

“If I catch you two deliberately trying to tear each other’s heads off again, I’m going to abandon the both of you. Assassins have enough enemies as it is. They don’t need such a behavior between their own kind.” With this the master left them alone, weary from his anger. It had been a long time he since he had to give up sparring with the boys, and Jaehwan started to see the effects of age on his body. It pained him to see the old man like that, the man that he had always looked up to. He glared back over to Hongbin. The man that bastard had dared to sully the name of, without the master even knowing.

“You’re a piece of filth.”

Jaehwan spat the words out, feeling his jaw slowly starting to swell under his fingertips. Hongbin’s expression remained unchanged, and if Jaehwan could tell from the way he squared his shoulders, he seemed almost pleased.

Jaehwan felt a strong feeling of disgust and hatred spread through him again at the sight, spitting out the blood that had begun to pool in his mouth right in front of Hongbin’s feet. They both knew what the gesture meant, and Jaehwan’s gaze still burned on Hongbin’s skin as the younger made his way after their master.

 

-

 

Jaehwan had always been very proud of his first job, and of the way he handled it. It was something he liked to remind himself of, something that not every assassin his age could have managed that well.

Not only had he finished the job beautifully, he even came back home with the head of a stray bounty he had caught on his way back, all merely at the age of eighteen. Yes, Jaehwan was proud of himself. But what he had been most proud of was the pat on the shoulder he got from his master, the triumph at watching Hongbin slump in his seat with what Jaehwan could only identify as jealousy. It had been such a perfect moment, back then, Jaehwan had thought.

But now, two years later, seeing Hongbin come back from his own first job with no less than four additional bounties to his name, something just burned in his stomach. It was clear to him that those bounties hadn’t been the reward of a spontaneous turn of events, but much premeditated work on Hongbin’s part merely to outdo him. If usually Jaehwan would feel somewhat flattered that the younger felt that much threatened by him, as his eyes landed on the overly smug expression on Hongbin’s otherwise dull face, this time, he only felt sick.

Jaehwan’s jaw tightened as he crushed his teeth together, telling himself that self-control was the one thing that brought him this far. But it was also the one thing he lacked when it came to the other boy.

Jaehwan tried to occupy himself with his blade, making sure to clean it meticulously.

Hongbin walked up to him, and Jaehwan couldn’t help but take a quick look at Hongbin’s face. His pretty almond shaped eyes glinted with something he hadn’t noticed before, and for once he could distinguish the shadow of a smile on the younger’s lips, the first time since their first encounter.

In the flutter of a heartbeat Jaehwan was suddenly pinned against the wall, eyes going wide in shock before his eyebrows came together in fury. Hongbin’s face was condescending as he inched closer, and Jaehwan could feel every single muscle in his body tense.

Hongbin’s breath was hot as his lips ghosted over Jaehwan’s ear. “I win.”

As fast as he had grabbed him, Hongbin let him go, and Jaehwan was left alone in the backyard of their condo leaning against the wall, trying to decipher if anger was being the real reason behind his irregular heartbeat.

 

-

 

The night sky was clear and the stars were bright, the slightly cold air dancing around Jaehwan’s hair as he sat atop a small hill, gazing into the distance. He could still see the outline of their small condo down in the valley, hidden behind a few bigger rocks, light emanating from its small windows.

He caught himself wondering what Hongbin might be up to, if he was polishing his guns or if he was reading a book, like he often did during the evening. He didn’t know when the younger’s next job would be, but he found himself hoping that it wasn’t anything too complex, nothing that required a lot of luck. Luck was sometimes the only thing that kept people in their profession alive but it wasn't like you could count on it to come to your aid every time.

He shook his head, trying to empty his mind those thoughts, feeling somewhat frustrated with himself. He hated the kid. Hongbin had always been distant, haughty, so set on beating him in every way he could rather than on working together. He was a back-stabbing bastard that had no respect for his elders. And yet, Jaehwan’s mind had been set on playing tricks on him the past few months, ever since Hongbin’s first oh-so-perfectly-finsihed job. He thought he had felt lingering gazes on his back, small cracks of smiles when Hongbin turned away after another one of their frequent arguments. He was still confused if it was just a part of his delusions, or if Hongbin really…

No. He must be playing with me. It was probably just another one of Hongbin’s schemes to get the better of Jaehwan, to make him let his guard down and then embarrass him in the worst way possible. That was more like Hongbin, like the condescending prick he was.

Jaehwan sighed, his eyes wandering up to the stars, trying to find an answer to his own thoughts. He couldn’t help but feel hope - buried far, far beneath all the reasoning his mind came up with - that maybe Hongbin could still open up to him.

Maybe, Jaehwan reckoned, maybe he just had to give him more time.

Fifteen years should have been more than enough time, a small voice in the back of his head piped up. Jaehwan closed his eyes, trying to take a deep breath to stop the disappointment he felt in his gut from spreading through the rest of his body.

 

-

 

“HONGBIN-AH!”

Jaehwan watched with horror as one of the target’s bullets pierced through Hongbin’s shoulder, drops of blood hanging in mid-air as Hongbin’s body fell onto the leafy ground. Time stopped for a moment, and Jaehwan could feel his heartbeat in his ears, blood pumping through his veins in sheer terror.

Before he knew what he was doing, Jaehwan’s body had moved behind their target, his sword glinting in the rays of sunlight breaking through the crowns of the trees before it came rushing down on its prey’s neck. Jaehwan wasn’t fast enough to dodge the gush of blood surging from the target’s wound, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. He breathed heavily as he saw the body fall in front of his feet, the separated head rolling further away from the strength of the blow.

Adrenaline gone, the only thing registering in Jaehwan’s mind was the horrifying noise that came from the weak gasps of Hongbin’s breath on his right.

When his body caught on to the signals of his brain, Jaehwan lunged to Hongbin’s side. He looked down at the younger man; Hongbin was pale, his breath uneven as he clutched onto his left shoulder in pain. Jaehwan's hands were trembling and didn't even realize that he released his blade, letting it fall to the ground with a muffled cling.

“Hongbin-ah, Hongbin-ah are you okay?”

Hongbin looked up at Jaehwan with exhausted eyes. “I- I don’t-“ he coughed, and Jaehwan could see a little bit of blood trickling down the corner of his mouth. Panic washed through him at the sight, and his shaky hands tried to grab onto Hongbin, lifting him half onto his knee.

“Hongbin, listen to me. You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be just fine-“ Hongbin coughed again, squeezing down harder on his injury, blood now damping most of his left sleeve.

“Jae- Jaehwa-“ Hongbin’s voice was weak, and Jaehwan’s heart almost faltered.

“Don’t talk, Hongbin-ah, now’s not the time-“

“Hyung.”

Jaehwan’s eyes widened at the word. Never had Hongbin called him that. After fifteen years of training together, Jaehwan never thought he would be hearing it. Tears started to sting his eyes, and he shook his head, trying to keep them away.

“H-hyung, I’m-,” Hongbin took a deep, shallow breath, eyes wandering over to look into Jaehwan’s own, “I’m sorry.”

Jaehwan’s eyes widened as he felt Hongbin go numb in his hands, felt his strength leave his body. “No,” he started, his hands grabbing onto Hongbin’s body more tightly. “No. No, Hongbin, stay with me, stay-“

But Hongbin’s breath had stopped, leaving him unmoving but for the light breeze ruffling through his hair.

“NO!”

Tears now fell from his eyes as Jaehwan tried to hug Hongbin’s body tighter, closer. The tears landed on Hongbin’s shirt, mingling with his blood, bringing both together as one.

“S-stupid.”

Jaehwan froze, the sobs rippling through his body a second ago stopping. He held his breath in disbelief, looking up to see the disgusted but undeniably happy grimace on Hongbin’s face.

“You’re so stupid, Lee Jaehwan. Just because I said I was sorry doesn’t mean I am going to freaking die!” Hongbin’s right arm left his wound to hit the back of Jaehwan’s head in reprimand. Jaehwan couldn’t let the smile from breaking over his face at the gesture, tightening his hold on Hongbin.

“I’m so glad,” Jaehwan mumbled, more to himself than to his junior.

“Yah, that hurts! I’m injured, remember?”

It was the first time Hongbin ever talked so much around him. It was also the first time that Jaehwan realized that Hongbin had more emotions to show than hatred and disgust. Jaehwan wondered if Hongbin just had been too shy in the beginning to open up, and he felt guilt at the thought that he so willingly dismissed Hongbin’s trait of being rather inapt at showing emotions for coldness. He realized that he might have made Hongbin that way himself, shunning him because of no better reason than the lack of warmth in his eyes. It weren’t hs eyes that counted, it was what he felt inside his heart. Jaehwan knew that now, looking at Hongbin’s chocolate brown eyes, feeling the warmth of the younger’s hand on the back of his neck. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t be so rash with his impressions, if the chance arose again.

This time, the tears falling from Jaehwan’s eyes were sweet as they met Hongbin’s lips along with Jaehwan’s own, holding an offering of truce between the two that even Hongbin didn’t feel like objecting.

It was on Jaehwan’s twenty-second birthday that Hongbin could have died. But looking back on everything now, carefully lifting Hongbin on his back to bring him home, Jaehwan felt that the most important thing is that finally, they could be something more than just rivals.

**Author's Note:**

> this was once written for forvixx's christmas exchange like 2? years ago... ;;;


End file.
